Act Justly Love Mercy Walk Humbly

I don’t belong anywhere anymore

I thought going back to my hometown would make me excited about spending my summer there, but its made me dread it completely. 

Being here brings back all the hurt from the past, and all the things I have walked through over the last 4 years.  It also reminds me that solitude is entirely impossible. Solitude is something that I need, I mean really need.  Being here makes me realize that living with my family will never be the same.  I honestly want to avoid it at all if possible.  I just can’t do it.  I miss the days when we lived in a huge house, where I had my own area of the house to occupy.  I could be by myself, walk out onto my back deck and listen to the sole sound of the whippoorwills.  Now, my dad has gotten us into a living scenario that allows for no privacy from the others.  

I don’t quite feel like I belong in OKlahoma yet, even though I feel more comfortable there than Branson.  

As much as I want to go back to work at kamp, I just can’t.  It has completely burned me after 3 years.

I want to go overseas on missions, but I need to make money and take a class over the summer.

I just wish there was a place to go - a place to start fresh, to live.  I can’t wait till I graduate and can move to Guatemala and serve God there. Patience is key…

I just have to convince myself that I can make it, that I will get there.